FICTION  - 
       WITH A THEME OF WORK    

Beware of the colleague who has the Salesforce Tower as a Zoom background  -  -  -  
Photo by the Author                                    

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A Phenomenological Study of Pandemic Work Life -
Adverse Effects of Zooming
by  M. J. Eliason, 
Professor of Pandemic Studies

Introduction 

In 1985, the profound but often overlooked philosopher of love and life, Aretha Franklin, inquired presciently, Who’s Zooming Who? It wasn’t until the spring of 2020 that the importance of the question was recognized. The COVID pandemic transformed the landscape of work in countless ways. Some of those have already been examined in detail, but one critical area remains grossly understudied: the Zoom meeting. In this article, I share cutting edge research based on over two years of intensive ethnographic study of the Zoom meeting in academic work settings. Thus far, there is virtually no research on the short or long-term consequences of virtual communications on participants’ mental and physical health. There are indisputably positive effects of Zoom, such as allowing for the ability to work, teach, and connect effectively without a physical presence, but no one has comprehensively examined the unintended adverse effects of Zoom.
 
Methods
 
I was a participant observer in over 1,500 work-related Zoom meetings, roughly 20 hours per week for two years. Data analysis was driven by a new methodology that I created specifically for the field of pandemic studies, called LOL (Languishing on Lounger). It entails taking copious field notes about participants’ disturbing behavior during a meeting and then languishing [1] on the sofa for a period no less than 60 minutes to process the meeting and recover from the many inflicted traumas. Post-Zoom napping is a critical component of this process and facilitates integration of the experience. In this paper, I discuss seven preliminary themes that emerged from the LOL method. Although my focus was faculty meetings in higher education, many of these themes may manifest in other Zoom contexts as well, such as happy hours, book clubs, family chats, and social network gatherings.

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[1] See Adam Grant, New York Times, 2021, April 19  ​

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​Findings
 
#1: Wattles and Double Chins. The first theme represented an increase in self-consciousness and body self-esteem issues. Unlike general body dissatisfaction disorders that focus on weight and body size or function, Zoom self-consciousness centers on the head and neck. Until Zoom, people were blissfully ignorant of what they looked like in meetings. Zoom is akin to staring in a mirror for prolonged periods of time, something that most people assiduously avoid. This prompted ruminative thoughts in 45% of participants such as: When did I get jowls? What happened to my neck? Are my glasses always that lopsided? Is that dandruff on my shoulder or dust on my screen? Underscoring the seriousness of this self-consciousness, there was a meteoric rise in Google searches for facelift estimates and an increase in Amazon orders for wrinkle creams. Chin/neck anxiety can be alleviated by placing one’s device on a stack of books, a considerably less expensive option than a facelift. The concentrated focus on the upper body may have led many people to ignore the expanding bellies that resulted from pandemic stress eating, thus masking a more pressing source of poor health.
 
#2. The Spooky Séance. The second theme is related to the uncanny resemblance of Zoom meetings to seances. People appear suddenly out of nowhere in small boxes on the screen, sometimes as shadowy figures in dimly lit rooms. Common questions on Zoom meetings included, “Is anyone out there?” “I can hear you but I can’t see you.” “Can someone text Shirley to ask if she will join us?” “I think we’re losing Kevin, he’s flickering in and out.” “Is Martha still with us?” Many Zoom meetings are seemingly haunted by poltergeists who make the internet unstable at inopportune moments and ensure that when one’s face freezes, which it inevitably will do, it will be in the most unflattering expression possible. These problems can be avoided if all participants burn sage, smudge, or say an incantation to soothe the spirits of cyberspace to ward off the poltergeists before clicking on the link to enter a meeting.

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#3: Bombastic Backgrounds. Zoom backgrounds make up the third theme. Prominent researchers are developing tests of personality type and psychopathology based on choice of backgrounds. Sparse, tasteful decorated bookshelves with a curated selection of art and philosophy books may represent potential Anna Delveys. [2] That is, they are faking being smarter, more sophisticated, and more organized than they actually are. Deceptively neat and tidy bookshelves may create shame and lowered self-esteem in participants who feel inferior because of their messier workplaces. A coworker sitting at the kitchen table with the Golden Girls, or in the center box of Hollywood Squares, indicates too much oldies TV or living in a fantasy world, out of touch with reality. Beach paradise or tourist hotspot backgrounds may convey lack of commitment to work. Finally, a Freudian analysis of the symbols in Zoom backgrounds reveals much about personality. For example, beware of the colleague who has the Salesforce tower as a Zoom background (see Figure 1). Self-help literature now includes books on the psychology of Zoom backgrounds to guide choices that are compatible with one’s career goals and level of gravitas.
 
One subtype of background dysfunction involves the use of pets as profile pictures, displaying one’s pets during a meeting, and one highly specific form of passive aggressive disorder. CPAC (Cat Passive Aggressive Collusion) is a form of offensive, irrational, juvenile behavior that involves positioning one’s cat so that the owner appears to be petting the cat, but the pose is designed to expose viewers to minutes of the cat’s butthole on screen. This behavior does not occur with dogs, because of their less malicious natures. Cats appear to actively collude with this behavior. Cats on Zoom is now an entirely new category under the “funny/cute cat video” genre.
 
#4: Manners Matter. The fourth theme addresses Zoom etiquette. Inappropriate behaviors observed during Zoom meetings included participants eating potato chips or pretzels from the bag without muting—the synergistic sound of the crunching combined with the bag rustling often exceeded safe levels of decibels, and obscured the voice of the one speaking. Also observed were incidents where participants took their electronic device to the bathroom without muting or forgot they were not wearing pants and stood up in front of the camera.
 
Several behaviors interrupt the flow of a meeting, particularly when participants do not commit to learning the Zoom technology. Those unable to locate the “leave meeting” button promptly at the end of the call, may find themselves alone on the screen with the boss for a few awkward moments. Some participants’ faces appeared in the middle of a speaker’s impassioned presentation because they forgot to mute and cleared their throats. Another form of interruption was the frequent rustling of paper or clattering of writing utensils just out of sight of the camera, a sound that is magnified and resembles a garbage disposal. Interruptions of any sort may lead to long periods of unproductive and time-consuming conversations such as “I’m sorry, you go.” “No, no, you go ahead,” “What were you saying?” “You cut out for a moment, can you repeat that?” “Can everyone please mute unless they are speaking?” These comments constituted 38% of Zoom comments.
 
A new mental health disorder caused directly by the Zoom technology is tentatively called “Never Can Say Goodbye Syndrome.” It is characterized by not knowing when the meeting is over. Is it during or after the prolonged goodbyes? Is it offensive to leave the meeting before the last person has said goodbye? Must one wait until everyone has stopped waving to click on “leave meeting?” No one knows, which creates doubt and trepidation. Another social dilemma is whether to announce out loud or in the chat that one is going to the bathroom. Being too explicit in sharing the reasons for one’s short absence can also provoke social anxiety in other participants. The most neutral announcement that causes the least anxiety and offence is that one is taking a “bio break.”

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[2] See Inventing Anna, Netflix pandemic binging hit series

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#5: Audio Atrocities.  The fifth theme is related to audio issues, particularly, muting and unmuting. The most common comment in every Zoom meeting by far was “You’re muted.” Until the pandemic, the term “unmute” had never been used in polite society, but it quickly became a staple of Zoom meeting vocabulary. Early in the pandemic, the phrase “you’re muted” made up every tenth utterance. On the other hand, not muting one’s mic has become the new reply all. This, too, has created a new mental health disorder. Muting Anxiety Disorder (MAD) is characterized by lack of confidence in one’s ability to unmute fast enough, therefore, seeming indecisive. Afflicted persons may get involuntary tremors in their hands from hovering over the mute button for the duration of a meeting. This must be differentiated from Zoom Dementia, a condition with several variations. For example, staring at one’s own face for hours may lead to an obsessive negative thought that others are staring and judging one’s appearance. This is called narcissanoia, as it exists at the intersection of narcissism and paranoia. It is exacerbated by the fact that it is impossible to know if someone else in a Zoom meeting is looking at you. Another form of Zoom dementia is diagnosed by loss of memory for Zoom functions, so that the person only locates and clicks on the applause or heart reaction five minutes after a coworker has said something brilliant or touching. Because this condition can make the participant appear as cold and uncaring, it is called Heartless disorder. Deliberate unwarranted muting is relatively rare, but when the host of a meeting deliberately mutes the boss while the boss is speaking. they may be fired for mute-iny.
 
#6: Candid Camera. Another theme was related to the use of the camera. Zoom etiquette dictates turning on the camera for thirty seconds at the beginning and end of the meeting so coworkers know that someone was actually present for the meeting. It is also considered appropriate to turn on the camera when one speaks because some people are haunted or triggered by disembodied voices and cannot distinguish them from the poltergeists. When the camera is off, participants are subjected to the profile pictures that their coworkers have selected. Like on many dating sites, some people select sometimes unrecognizable profile photos of themselves from twenty years earlier, perhaps in a ploy to offset those reminders of aging caused by staring at oneself on Zoom. Having no profile picture, just an empty box, may be a sign of an existential crisis and someone should reach out to check on this person. Many people feel anxiety about turning off their cameras during the meeting. This may be similar to getting food from a buffet line at a work reception; no one wants to be the first and you definitely don’t want to be the only one.

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​#7: Chatterers. Zoom chat disorders share many similarities with the misuses of email. Some people inappropriately use the chat function to convey unrelated information or pictures of their pets. Others mistakenly send sarcastic comments meant only for their friends to everyone on the call, much like the ‘reply all’ fiasco of email. Inability to focus on what is being said in a meeting because of the side conversations in the chat is another warning sign of Zoom dementia: Zoom Attention Deficit Disorder (ZADD). People who tend to dominate conversations in real life may exhibit Chaterhea, a form of written language diarrhea using the chat function to post long potentially explosive diatribes to distract from or subvert the message of whoever is currently speaking.
 
Conclusions
 
These seven themes increase individual and collective levels of stress and anxiety associated with Zoom meetings and may affect work productivity and life satisfaction. I suffered many of these consequences myself while doing the research, needed extra LOL to recuperate from meetings, and nearly succumbed to Zoom dementia on many occasions. There is a great need to replicate these findings and to explore the long-term consequences in longitudinal studies. Does prolonged exposure to cat anuses lead to PTSD? Is narcissanoia a personality disorder or a short-term reaction to Zoom? Do people habituate to looking at themselves on the screen and eventually lose their self-consciousness? We need to determine whether who’s Zooming who matters. These issues warrant the establishment of university task forces charged with creating protocols to reduce the potential harm. In conclusion, I have tried to shed some light on the psychology of Zoom communications, but if this presentation wasn’t even remotely clear, please let me know in the chat.

Figure 1. The Salesforce Tower: An inappropriate Zoom background?

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​​Mickey Eliason is a recently retired faculty member from San Francisco State University with a background in nursing, psychology, and public health. She harkens originally from Iowa and spent twenty-five years on faculty at the University of Iowa. She was propelled to San Francisco in 2005 by a midlife crisis, and transitioned from land-locked stoic midwestern to California beach bum. After a lifetime of academic writing, she is experimenting with different writing genres, but mostly to creative nonfiction. She has self-published two volumes of humor writing: a parody of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual outlining unique lesbian pathologies (The Dyke Dykignostic Manual) and short stories written recently (Pandemic Procrastination and Ponderings). Both are available on Amazon.

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